i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
