I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
