She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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