pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
