and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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