he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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