i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
don't judge my taste in strippers
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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