We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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