He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
