bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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