my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
