We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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