watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
