I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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