my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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