hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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