You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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