tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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