Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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