I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
