T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
