im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
