Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
