One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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