she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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