I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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