I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
