Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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