I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
