We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
