i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
