Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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