don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
