thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
