i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
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I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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