Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
