somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
