I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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