OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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