You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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