I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just forgot I was standing up.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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