it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
