I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She's just so happy...and so naked.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
