My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
