Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
