She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
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not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
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I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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