well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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