woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sorry about my life...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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