i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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