he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
