Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
