In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Say something about gay babies.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
