GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
