i would punch a child for taco bell
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
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Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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