I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
