i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
