Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
