the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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