he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
