guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
