I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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