guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
