he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
