My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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